Last weekend, I witnessed a parenting win that stopped me in my tracks. While trying to convince my younger son to prioritize his homework before PlayStation time, my 18-year-old offered sage advice to his younger sibling: “It’s better to complete the difficult tasks before so that you’re still motivated for the reward later.” His simple yet profound statement resonated deeply. It highlighted the importance of two crucial life skills: impulse control and resilience.
One of psychology’s most famous experiments, the Stanford marshmallow test, sheds light on these very skills. Conducted in the 1960s, the test involved placing preschoolers in a room with a single marshmallow. The children were presented with a choice: eat the treat immediately or wait 15 minutes for a double reward. Researchers tracked these children through adolescence and found a fascinating correlation. Those who demonstrated greater self-control in the marshmallow test exhibited better academic performance, social skills, and emotional well-being later in life. This highlights the power of impulse control, the ability to resist immediate temptation for a long-term benefit.
Impulse control goes beyond mere willpower. It’s the capacity to pause, analyze a situation, and resist acting on immediate desires. It’s about acknowledging and accepting our urges without being ruled by them. This skill is closely linked with delayed gratification, the act of waiting for a bigger or better reward by putting off a smaller, more immediate one.
Developing strong impulse control contributes significantly to emotional intelligence. With the ability to manage our initial reactions, we become more adept at navigating different emotions. We can maintain a positive outlook during challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and cope with adversity more effectively. This sense of control over our emotions and environment leads to greater self-esteem and confidence.
Resilience, another key life skill, takes things a step further. Derived from the Latin verb “resilire” meaning “to jump back” or “recoil,” resilience isn’t about avoiding difficulties. It’s about confronting them head-on, learning from them, and emerging stronger. It’s the ability to bounce back from setbacks, disappointments, and even failures.
Neuroscience provides fascinating insights into the foundation of resilience. Studies using mice have shown increased activity in dopaminergic neurons during waiting periods. This heightened activity translates to a stronger ability to resist impulses and wait for larger rewards. Additionally, the prefrontal cortex plays a crucial role in processing sensory information and inhibiting immediate responses based on long-term considerations. Interestingly, research suggests that good impulse control can contribute to neuroplasticity, the brain’s remarkable ability to adapt and rewire itself. In a way this explains how impulse control can help build resilience skills for professionals, in terms of ability to adapt to changing dynamics at the workplace.
In today’s rapidly changing world, characterized by the aftermath of a global pandemic and technological AI-led disruption, the World Economic Forum’s Future of Jobs Report identifies resilience as a top skill for future success. For leaders, resilience translates to swiftly adapting to changing circumstances, making tough decisions under pressure, readily embracing change, and demonstrating agility in upskilling and transitioning to new roles.
The good news is that resilience is a skill that can be nurtured and strengthened. Here are some ways to cultivate your resilience:
- Self-Awareness: Practice mindfulness through meditation, reflection, and journaling about past challenges. Analyze what you learned from those experiences and how you overcame them.
- Continuous Learning and Growth Mindset: Embrace a lifelong learner’s mindset. Stay curious, open-minded, and willing to adapt to changes. Actively seek opportunities for reskilling and upskilling.
- Feedback from Mentors and Coaches: Develop a network of mentors and engage with coaches who can provide valuable feedback and guidance.
Remember my son’s advice about completing his homework before indulging in PlayStation? It perfectly exemplifies the concept of delayed gratification and its connection to resilience. Ultimately, the marshmallow tastes sweeter when we cultivate impulse control and resilience. These skills contribute significantly to our emotional, psychological, and professional well-being, allowing us to navigate life’s challenges with greater confidence and emerge stronger on the other side.
References
- Emotional Intelligence – why it can matter more than IQ ~ Daniel Goleman
- HBR article, Sep 15, 2014 – The Marshmallow Test for Grown ~ Ed Batista
- World Economic Forum – The Future of Jobs Report 2023
- EQ – i 2.0 Emotional Intelligence Inventory ~ MHS
